I get the idea that you want me to stop using my phone in a social situation so that we can actually talk to each other and connect and have real facetime instead of that iPhone FaceTime. You don’t want me to bury my face in my phone as I check Twitter, Facebook, Path, or whatever game/app I might be obsessed with while you’re talking to me. It’s rude. I get it.

But you don’t understand. I need my phone. I need it because I’m a socially awkward person who is borderline retarded in a social situation where I don’t know anyone. If I don’t have my phone, I’ll stare blankly at you. Or I’ll stuff my face with food so I don’t have to talk. Or I’ll sit in the corner and cry. Seriously. I have done this. It’s not pretty.

So let me have my phone. Let me have my security blanket, my social shield, my little portable distraction. If we really are friends, and I actually am interested in a proper conversation, I will ignore it. But if I barely know you, and I feel myself slipping into the social abyss, don’t be surprised when I’m all “Hey, you know, I have to Instagram right now because damn that is some good-looking tacos right there. What do you think: Amaro, Hudson, or Valencia?”